Starting Over

 

So this post is going to get a little personal. I haven’t posted in a long time and there’s a lot of reasons for my silence. Life always seems to get in the way sometimes. I’ve gone through quite a bit over the last year or so, from being diagnosed as bipolar, going to therapy and having to try multiple medications til I found the right mix,  to more recently losing my job and now going through divorce.

Obviously nobody goes into a marriage thinking things will end, and I was utterly in love when I got married. In fact, believe it or not, I still love my soon-to-be ex husband. I’ll always love him in some way even if the last few years were difficult ones. But when he told me he wanted a divorce I realized that I haven’t been happy in a long time. I don’t think it was anyone’s fault in particular, just when you go through heavy shit, it changes you. Everything you go through in life changes  you.

As much as it feels like a cop out saying it, the both of us changed and we want different things, so this is for the better. Divorce used to be one of my worst fears. And when he told me he wanted the divorce I felt like I failed at something huge. But then I realized that, no, I didn’t fail. I gave it my all and I tried to save things, but some things you can’t save, sometimes, when one part of your life falls apart, it’s because another part of your life is about to come together. This is my chance at a fresh start, a new beginning.

So, I’m leaving Florida in my rear view. I’ve lived around the same area since I was three years old. I’ve always lived near my family and never lived out of state. So near the end of August I’m heading to South Carolina and Tyffani Clark (my writerly bestie) and I are getting a townhouse apartment together. I already have a new job waiting for me up there and I’m excited about the new, uncharted and unfamiliar future. I think in many ways this is something I needed.

I think my mental health, my writing, my creativity all will benefit from this big scary move. As hard as it is to start over, sometimes it’s just what you need.

3 Responses

  1. I’m sending you the biggest hugs ever, Jenn. It’s always hard to leave behind what’s known and jump into something new, but from personal experience, it’s always to lead you to something better. It’s like you said – sometimes things have to come apart for something new and fabulous to begin. You’re going to flourish in your new life, hun, and you and Tyffani are going to have so many shenanigans. All the shenanigans! <3

  2. I wish you the best in your new life divorce is never easy but can be a blessing.
    Be well and take care this could be very exciting.

  3. Hi there, I have been a blogger for a few years now and I threw myself into that thinking I could escape what was happening in front of me. I am a Army Veterans wife (soon to be ex husband as well) . Every time I felt like I was good enough to leave and finally be the mom I want and need to be for my girls, he would get me pregnant some how. He’ll deny that till the end of time. But after almost dying with the premature birth of our 5th daughter, yes 5. He finally caved to get snipped. Before the doctor even gave him the all clear I was pregnant again for the 7th time. But I guess gods way of saying that I need to do something, I ended up having a miscarriage. I thought it was punishment for the thoughts and accusations to him. But I realized now 3 years later that it was for the best. I do as well have mild bipolar disorder and anxiety and depression which I have taken medication for a long time now and have had my own trial runs of medication. It’s long tedious and it does help in the long run. I have been going through this for over 16 years. I know what you are going through and even the divorce part too as of late. But I hope that you have a better divorce than I have been having, I don’t know if I have the patience anymore and have always just gone back to the hell I have created to live in. But I have been finally having a back bone and I was reconnected to a friend that we apparently both have feelings for each other, and well I’ve been in love with him for 18 years and I finally have a chance of happiness and I am taking the bullshit by the horns and going to be happy and he loves my girls and I and is willing to move out of state to be here with me and my girls. This wasn’t a rash decision by any means especially with how long I’ve been trying to get my divorce. And I will do everything possible for the sake of my girls and their happiness. And if being divorced from their father and have a chance of having a decent dad in their lives it makes everything I have been going through worth it. I too never thought I would get divorced but I am not the person I was when I was 18 years old and I have been trying to get away from being demeaned and taken advantage of and I can’t take this life anymore. I just want to be happy and loved and have my girls in a good safe environment. I wish you the best and hope everything goes smoothly for you. If you would like to contact me your more than welcome to!

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