So this post is going to get a little personal. I haven’t posted in a long time and there’s a lot of reasons for my silence. Life always seems to get in the way sometimes. I’ve gone through quite a bit over the last year or so, from being diagnosed as bipolar, going to therapy and having to try multiple medications til I found the right mix, to more recently losing my job and now going through divorce.
Obviously nobody goes into a marriage thinking things will end, and I was utterly in love when I got married. In fact, believe it or not, I still love my soon-to-be ex husband. I’ll always love him in some way even if the last few years were difficult ones. But when he told me he wanted a divorce I realized that I haven’t been happy in a long time. I don’t think it was anyone’s fault in particular, just when you go through heavy shit, it changes you. Everything you go through in life changes you.
As much as it feels like a cop out saying it, the both of us changed and we want different things, so this is for the better. Divorce used to be one of my worst fears. And when he told me he wanted the divorce I felt like I failed at something huge. But then I realized that, no, I didn’t fail. I gave it my all and I tried to save things, but some things you can’t save, sometimes, when one part of your life falls apart, it’s because another part of your life is about to come together. This is my chance at a fresh start, a new beginning.
So, I’m leaving Florida in my rear view. I’ve lived around the same area since I was three years old. I’ve always lived near my family and never lived out of state. So near the end of August I’m heading to South Carolina and Tyffani Clark (my writerly bestie) and I are getting a townhouse apartment together. I already have a new job waiting for me up there and I’m excited about the new, uncharted and unfamiliar future. I think in many ways this is something I needed.
I think my mental health, my writing, my creativity all will benefit from this big scary move. As hard as it is to start over, sometimes it’s just what you need.